Dressing for a hot date, a woman pulls on sheer black stockings to the sound of Billy Paul’s Me and Mrs Jones. Shouldn’t that be Simon and Garfunkel’s Mrs. Robinson? The opening shot of ‘The Rendezvous’ could be a scene from The Graduate. But this is Middle England’s favourite clothiers so, rather than sex-on-legs cougar Anne Bancroft, what we get is that nice actress Charlotte Weston. She can’t decide what to wear nor, unfortunately, can she hear me shout at the screen, ‘Forget it! Bin it! Are you joking?’ Luckily for Charlotte, M&S operates a generous returns policy. Swap those frumsy outfits - that’s Grazia speak for frumpy and mumsy - for some cheese straws and a bottle of pink Cava, girlfriend! Mind you, as her date turns out to be a 1970s Grace Brothers’ window dummy, what she does eventually choose is spot-on. On another note, do the bods at M&S HQ have a dark sense of humour? How else to explain their choice of soundtracks to push their gear, so to speak, through the years? Itchycoo Park; Get The Party Started; Me and Mrs Jones (about a man and his addiction to smack): druggy songs all. What next? J.J.Cale's Cocaine?
No sooner have we recovered from Cravendale's creepy ads featuring nightmarish cats with thumbs, than we’re subjected to a 'horny' spectral cow in a white dress. At first, I took this disturbing apparition to be Jodie Marsh in Hallowee’en drag but, on second viewing, Cravendale’s ghostly bovine seems cuter. What’s asked here is one of the big unanswered questions of all time: ‘who first thought to milk a cow?’ Looking at the hirsute Neanderthal that hoves into view at the beginning of the flashback sequence, my guess was cage-fighter Alex Reid in a bad wig. Turns out it was some bloke called Brian.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4Xt_XS9BJA 
